Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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