im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
