i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
