Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
