Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
