I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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