Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
