i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
