Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
