dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
