After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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