Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
