One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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