Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
