i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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