I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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