she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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