My room smells like vodka and shame
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
