Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
