ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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