just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
