So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
