And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
