Is it because I queefed?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
