Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Houston, we have a squirter
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
