Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
