butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
