I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
