Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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