barbara walters just said penis...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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