Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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