i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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