I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
