Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
