Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
