and you said cock pushups were impossible
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
