Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
