Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
