Who wears a wallet chain?!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
