i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
