I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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