yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
