I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
