i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
