apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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