My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
