Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
