dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
