so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
