smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
