I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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