I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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