Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
