I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
